Ten Red Flags Indicating Narcissism

queenNo one wants to work under a narcissist. Below is a video by Dr. Les Carter on identifying a narcissist. He gives ten flags:

Narcissists…

  1. tend to be critical
  2. don’t care about your emotions or feelings unless they want to manipulate you
  3. try to highjack conversations
  4. lack reflective thinking
  5. excuse their mistakes
  6. insist things always go their way and are not flexible
  7. turn conflicts into contests
  8. exaggerate their positives, minimize their negatives
  9. are materialistic and impressed with external success and power
  10. closed minded, impatient, and shallow

Watch the video….

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Like People, Like Priest

I am a western English speaking Christian worker in Cambodia. I administrate a Christian elementary school. This position is a good fit for me for both general and specific reasons. It is generally a good fit because I like kids (usually), I care about kids being discipled for Christ, and I care about education. It is specifically a good fit for me because, as the administrator, I am able to work from behind the scenes and let much of the forefront decision-making be done by local people. Why is that important to me? Because I want my work to reach and be effective to Cambodians, and that best happens, in my opinion, when Cambodians work with Cambodians. As the old Khmer proverb says: Only the spider can repair its own web.

bbbAnd such is the principle of Like People, Like Priest; people will follow those they can relate to. If you’re an English speaking expat starting up a church in an Asian city with a high population of English speaking expats, don’t be surprised when the people coming to your church are all English speaking expats. And there is nothing wrong with that as long as you are honest with yourself and admit that you are the pastor of an expat church and not the pastor of a Cambodian/Thai/Burmese, or whatever nation you happen to be in, church. If you wanted to be the pastor of a church of nationals, there are some major steps that need to be taken to do that, mastering the language for example, and you might find you are unwilling/unable, for various reasons, to take those steps.

Being honest with yourself about what you are truly capable of doing is the first step to finding the right fit for your life and being an effective participant in the building of Christ’s kingdom. Who can you connect to? Who can connect to you?

The Blind

Most leadership teaching is common sense made to sound profound through lofty platitudes.

At least that’s what I think.

Am I wrong?

The next time you hear a leadership message, write down all the lessons taught in that message, the basic lessons, and dismiss the window dressing. Then, look at your list and ask: Is there anything here I didn’t already know by the time I was twelve years old?

I’m guessing your answer will be no.

I could be wrong.

Where do You Fit?

fit in“So there‚Äôs this terrible tension in organizations, and I think what generally happens is all the creative people are there at the beginning. They get chased out until you have nothing but managers and administrators. Then the environment shifts, then the company dies.”

I’ve written some articles (see list below) about how a movement, at its beginning, will be run by visionaries and see rapid growth. But, once that growth tapers off, a new kind of leader needs to take control, one who knows how to manage the resources gained in the rapid growth phase. But, as Jordan Peterson talks about in the video below, you don’t want to get rid of the visionaries altogether. New creative ideas will always be needed in order for the organization to survive.

Do you know where you fit in?

Related reading…

Leaders of Movements

Men of Words

Visionary Leaders Vs Masters

 

Passive Aggressive Poison

passive aggressive ninja“I don’t worry, if they have a problem with me, they will preach about me!”

That’s what a friend told me when describing the leadership at a bible college he was attending. He had discovered that when and if the leadership was unhappy with what he was doing, rather than confronting him directly, they would come at him indirectly through passive aggressive tactics. And a great way to destroy relationships is to act passive aggressively.

What is passive aggressiveness? It is simply an avoidance of direct confrontation due to cowardliness. If passive aggressiveness takes root in your group it becomes a poison killing the tree. You have to deal with it quickly.

I’ve been guilty of this behaviour myself in the past, but I’ve made a rule to avoid it. It takes time to recognize it in yourself, but gets easier to stop over time.

passive-agressive-infographic1-copy