I Am Not Afraid

Malis flinched at the explosion. The sound of thunder, loud enough to shake her steel front door, came not from the sky, but from beyond the neighboring buildings. She stretched her neck to look over the rooftops and trees for the light of fire. Nothing.

“That’s good…” she thought. All day long, these falling គ្រាប់កាំភ្លើងធំ, or bullets of the big guns, pounded the world around her, from the north, then the east, and the west, causing her heart to shake in her chest. What was their target?

“Not my house. I am not afraid.” She entered and paced around her home. It was evening and she hoped she would get some sleep tonight. Another blast, then darkness. The power went out. Malis stood in the black, waiting.

“The lights will come back soon.” Thirty minutes passed. No power. It grew hot in the house. Malis went back outside. More darkness.

“I will call my husband…”

“What? No signal?”

Malis walked out into the street. Quiet, shadows heavy and still.

“Oh, Makara’s house still has light. I will walk there.”

Approaching Makara’s house, she did not hear the sound of a generator, which Makara’s foreign husband would have turned on soon after the lights went out. Only a single solar-powered light shone there. It was quiet and ghostly. The house was shuttered up. The cold white light was not comforting. Malis crouched down in front of the house and tried her phone again. Still no signal.

“Malis?”

“Yes?” It was Chantrea, the woman who lived on the other side of Makara’s home. She walked toward Malis. Chantrea’s ten year old boy, Dany, was with her.

“Come,” Chantrea said, “It’s time to go. We need to leave Poipet. I have my truck. We are leaving.”

“Going where?”

“To Battambang. Come. Pack a bag and put it in my truck.”

“I cannot leave. I don’t know where my husband is.” She held up her phone. “I cannot call him.”

“My phone doesn’t work either. You can call your husband when we have left the city. Come. I don’t want to drive with just my kids.”

“No. I will stay. I am not afraid.”

“No! You come!” Dany grabbed onto Malis’s arm, startling her. “My mom will drive us to Battambang!”

“No, no,” Malis smiled warmly at the boy, “I will stay. Don’t worry about me.”

“Well, think about changing your mind. We are going to get ready to go,” Chantrea said, and pulled Dany away.

For some time after Chantrea’s tail lights faded into the dark, Malis stayed crouched in front of Makara’s house. She didn’t yet know it would be two more days before the power and phone signals came back. Another loud blast pushed her up and back to her home.