There is no “I” in team. Yes, but there is a “me”. If you’re leading a team, no one cares about your passion except you. What does everyone else care about? Their own passions of course. Why would you expect anything different? Now, this isn’t a bad thing — in fact, just the opposite — if everyone is passionate about the same thing. You’d expect everyone on the same team to be passionate about the same thing. If everyone is passionate about different things, then that’s no team. If all the team has the same passion except one person, then that one person is in the wrong place. If you, as the team leader, are constantly struggling to get people to do their part, then you are in the wrong place.
On any sports team, every player is passionate about the game. Also, every player wants to be the star player. Every player is passionate about his own success. Sure, the coach has to be passionate too if he wants the players to listen to him, but each player will put his own passion before the coach’s passion. If the coach sees a player with no passion, that player is booted off the team.
You’re thinking of learning to play the piano, but want to be more inspired to do so. Therefore, do you mostly spend your time listening to someone speaking inspiring rhetoric to convince you to learn piano? Or, do you spend your time listening to a master pianist playing the great Beethoven sonatas?
In my previous Visionary vs. Master articles, I mentioned that one ought to be inspired by the work being done, rather than by the visionary’s rhetoric. I want to explain that in more detail here.
If you are not inspired by the work itself, you are probably pursuing the wrong kind of work. For the visionary, the work is always secondary to the vision. In fact, for the visionary, the work is the vision–declaring and promoting it. Visionaries are inspired by that work. The vision is an end in itself. Therefore, when the visionary hears his followers repeat the vision and promote it, he feels his work is done. If people do not grab hold of the vision, the visionary leader can only get frustrated and repeat his message with vexation.
For the master, it is the work that must inspire. The master will show you what is possible when and if you also master the work. If he sees you are not inspired by the work, he will not waste much time trying to convince you through enlivening or emotional speeches. What he might do is turn up the pressure which will either push you out or wake you up. The master is not upset if the work is not for you. He knows there is something else for you out there, and the sooner you discover that, the better.
Relationships are rarely strife free. And when conflict enters a relationship it must be dealt with quickly and decisively for the continued health of the relationship. The two options for a broken relationship are: 1) Heal the relationship; 2) Terminate the relationship. Allowing the relationship to go on in its broken state is not an option.
How do you heal a relationship? You must confront the other. Passive aggressiveness solves nothing. Passive aggressive people will act as though they are the righteous ones as they avoid confrontation. They act as though they are the ones committed to the relationship. They will not be the ones to end a relationship. But truthfully, they don’t care about the relationship at all. They want the relationship to end. They don’t want to put in the work to heal it. And, when the relationship does end, they can take the high road and say, “Well, it wasn’t me who ended it.”
Confrontation always involves the risk of termination. Each time you confront someone you’re in relationship with, with the purpose of healing, you risk ending the relationship. And if that happens, so be it. Allowing the relationship to go on in its broken state is not an option.
How to confront? One way would be to write down all the actions of the other which are bothering you, and have the other write their own list as well. Then, sit down together and go through each other’s lists. Predetermine to not leave the room until you come to some solution. The solution might lead to the healing of the relationship, or the termination of it. If there is to be healing, both parties have to be willing to compromise. If one or both parties are unwilling to compromise, termination will be the result. If that happens, accept it and move on peacefully.
Visionary leaders are the people who see what needs to be done, and have the drive to get it done. If it weren’t for the visionary leader, little would ever get done.
But, you have to be careful, if you are a visionary leader, or if one has taken an interest in you. The visionary leader tends to be superficial about anything but his vision and thus ends up using people and dumping people when he perceives their usefulness has run out. As quickly as someone is willing to trust you (with no previous experience to do so), they will just as quickly distrust you (again for no reason). Notice with the visionary leader that all his relationships are political.
Don’t use and don’t be used. Plan your life and relationships for the long haul.